When George Washington was fourteen he hand wrote 110 rules for civility. He listed the root emotions of incivility. I want to explore three of them that are eroding our culture and creating incivility two centuries later.
1. Anger - you can almost universally ask Americans, "What are you mad about?"
There's tremendous anger in our society. Unfortunately I think a great deal of it is being fostered by demagogues of special interest. Some of it is just a natural reaction to our lack of spiritual nutrition. Recently I heard a man say, "What is an eagle like me doing among so many turkeys?" Or in the home of a friend I saw this cartoon: "I love mankind. It's people I hate." That's almost as double-edged as George Brett's remark: "I regret my action but I'm not sorry for it." A pro football player was in the news for smashing his fist into the eye socket of another player. When questioned about his anger, he answered with great surprise, "Angry? I don't have an anger problem ---- I'm just intense." This was the third injury that this intense player had caused in a short period of time.
Anger is eating up our insides. It is the "sweet wine of poison." It also is the basis for the abuse that we are seeing in families. So many young gang members talk about gaining respect, but they try to get it with a gun. I may give you deference when you hold a gun to my head but I will not give you respect. Respect starts on the inside.
Anger management courses now out number time management courses in some executive development curriculum's.
2. Aggression - I'm not talking about competition but true aggression in the
Sense that Dr. Will Menninger of the famous clinic defines it: "The willingness or even the desire to hurt someone." Often we hear aggression dismissed because it is caused by stress. I am convinced that our stress is caused by our aggression. Every day we see evidences of aggression in traffic. People cutting in and making gestures at other drivers are all part of the "road rage syndrome." I try to be particularly careful of those young career women driving small cars who drive like they're always late. In simple things like the grocery check-out we see people expressing their aggression. Last Saturday Mary Alice and I went to the grocery store and I watched some of those sweet old ladies pushing those grocery carts like they were driving a tank. I'm not even going to mention the behavior that we see at bargain sales! When alienation and lack of control increase, inappropriate behavior increases, as well. Aggression seems to be on the rise.
3. Discourtesy - we are generally reasonably courteous to our friends. The irony is that it's strangers and family who suffer most of our discourteous behavior. I hear people hide behind the worn cliche, "You always hurt the ones you love." I don't accept that at all. I think it is a misdirected sense of security. What a terrible witness it is to the unbelieving world to see Christians treating each other rudely. We may not always feel love, but we can maintain an attitude of courtesy and respect. The scripture is very clear that we are supposed to show hospitality to strangers. It's tough enough to be a stranger without being treated as a non-person. Discourtesy in our family s harder for us to understand but we know it is prevalent. I was speaking on the West Coast and mentioned discourtesy. A preacher came up to me and said, "Fred, I want to confess that I have not been courteous to my wife in the past but I'm going to be in the future." That conference was worthwhile. Discourtesy is rooted in true self-centeredness.
George Washington was quite perceptive about the roots of incivility. We would do well to build upon his model and function as "civil engineers."
