The mentoree must show reasonable progress. Progress is the pay the mentoree gives the mentor. Currently I spend at least 50 percent of my time mentoring talented individuals. I make no charge. But I get amply paid by the vicarious accomplishments of these individuals. Putting our lives into the lives of others is the best way to attain human immortality.
The New York obituary of my mentor Dr. Gumperz said, "The awesome intellect of him is gone." What a shortsighted view of his contribution. I can quickly refute that, for as long as I and others whom he mentored live, he lives. Mentoring creates a legacy.
The mentoree needs to develop disciplines to maintain his gains. Discipline always starts with a habit, and when the habit is practiced enough it turns into a reflex, and then it doesn't have to be consciously done anymore. The object of many mentoring relationships is to create a set of winning reflexes.
Our disciplines should be more positive than negative. The only reason we employ negative disciplines is to help us perform the positive ones. Unfortunately, in Christian circles a lot of people practice negative disciplines and consider this Christianity. They don't realize the negatives are practiced in order to release time, energy, and resources to do the positive.
Let me show you what I mean with a silly illustration:
Your wife sends your son to the grocery store for a loaf of bread. She gives him the money, asks him to hurry, not to stop and play with his friends, not to get dirty, and not to lose the money. He hurries off and comes back without the bread. When she questions him, he says, "You told me to hurry. I did. You told me not to stop to play. I didn't. You said not to get dirty. I didn't. You said not to lose the money, and I didn't. I didn't do what you told me not to do."
Nor did he get the bread. The negatives were to promote him in the positive of getting the bread. He avoided the negatives but didn't complete the positive. Too often we police people with the negatives rather than inspire them with the positives.
The mentoree must possess vision and commitment. These two elements, vision and commitment are the two most important elements of a successful relationship. A clear vision and unconditional commitment are absolutely necessary. History is replete with illustrations of great accomplishments by ordinary individuals with extraordinary vision and commitment. One of my good friends grew up in abject poverty with no cultural advantages. As a young man he saw a glimmer of opportunity importing items from Mexico and reselling. By seeing what could be and taking hold with the strong arm of commitment he built an international import business. He is an ordinary man doing extraordinary things!
I vaguely recall a story about an ancient philosopher who when asked by a young man how he could get wisdom, took the young man down to the stream and held his head under the water until he nearly drowned. When he let the young man up, the philosopher said, "Long for wisdom like you longed for air, and you will get it."
There must be desire and passion for accomplishment—definable accomplishment.
I do not know how to instill passion in a mentoree. As a mentor, I try to channel it. I have found that continually reviewing the vision renews the passion. The passion works the plan, overcoming disappointments, and the plan accomplishes the goal. If I may give you a personal example I would like to tell you about my brother, Dick, who was badly disabled at birth. He had almost unintelligible speech and walked having to drag his leg behind him. His passion was education. To accomplish this goal he walked in his most ungainly manner ten miles back and forth to school. On occasion police would stop him thinking that he was drunk only to find that he was a young man committed with a tireless passion to get an education. When he received his degree he was President of his class. I don't know how to instill passion like that, but it clearly recognizable.
