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Three Principles of Good Communication
Good communication is more than presence, delivery or even content. A truly great communicator understands these three principles: 1. The spirit of communication is crucial.
The speaker should be motivated to express, not impress. My friend Dr. Jim Cain accepted an invitation to speak before 2000 key executives on stress. He was preceded at the podium by a renowned cardiologist and psychiatrist. Both of them got caught in the competition of impressing each other. When he spoke he used a simple analogy to describe what they needed to know. This recognized Mayo Clinic physician understood the spirit of communication; he expressed, not impressed.
2. Avoid registering shock.
Showing shock automatically says to the other that your value systems are obviously in conflict. Unpolluted communication is immediately impossible. Clearly, our teenagers use the "shock factor" as a way to avoid communication. Wise parents listen while keeping physical and emotional control.
3. Display interest, but never curiosity
Interest through listening and skillful questioning opens understanding. Each of us wants to feel that another is sincerely interested in us. But none of us wants to be the target of curiosity. I like to see the difference this way: interest gives you information for the other person’s benefit; curiosity is helpful for you, but not the other person. Let me give you an example. I was on the phone with a young woman who was obviously crying. A curious question would have been, "why are you crying?" An interested question begins with asking permission, " do you want to tell me why you are crying?"
A true communicator has a message and a mandate. Energy and passion follow the gift.
