When a believer dies we are left a legacy of growth and possibility which obligates us not to treat them as icons or idols, but to see the purpose for which they lived. The memorial services that we attend are symbolic; the real memorial is built into the lives of us who have received an investment of their life into ours. It is ours to live out what they put in. When my friend Jim Smith died I thought through some of the principles he taught us and wanted to share them with you.
1. Jesus Christ is central to our faith.
We have one Lord. The Bible is our authority, not a book of optional information. When Jim gave us the stories from the Bible he gave us also the principles which apply to us.
2. The family is crucial.
Jim willingly gave a great deal of his time and thought to the preservation and proper functioning of the family. He felt the family was worth working for. It is even worth suffering for. Now that I'm in the latter part of my life I can look back and be thankful that our family stayed together. It wasn't easy; it wasn't always pleasant. Sometimes we had intramural fights which could have been on a soap opera. However, we stayed together and now our grandchildren and great grandchildren are working up schemes to get the clan together. When I look across the room and see "little Mary Alice" who is physically the smallest in the group now fluttering about, patting, kissing, hugging, and encouraging with her branded "bless your heart," I'm grateful for God's grace and mercy in the family. Sometimes when I get her eye I flap my arms, which in our family means mother hen is getting all the little chickens together.
3. We are responsible for one another.
We are members of the family of God, therefore we care for one another. As the scripture says, "bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." During Jim's sickness we felt this strong family bond, this community of spirit, this being part of the body. Recently I was listening to a program on gangs. And repeatedly the young people would say, "this is the only family I've got." Alot of the urban tribalism is due to the lack of family and community because they want to belong to something.We all want to feel that somebody cares, and where better can we feel that than right here in the Church?
4. Serve without servility
He had a natural dignity in his service. He owned himself. I remember when Jim first came to our community. He said, "I realize that dealing with rich and powerful people has the temptation to make you sell your soul." He didn't. We who have served in corporations know how easy it is to sell out only to later repent like Esau knowing we sold it for a pot of porridge. Jim didn't teach us to serve just to gain acceptance or to collect chits which we will collect later. We serve, as Paul said, "for Jesus' sake, not mine." Ultimately our service to each other is our acceptable service to Christ. This is the reason that we can look forward to His saying "well done, thou good and faithful servant." Jim and I often discussed the theme of "servant leader." It's important that we remember that our leadership is our servanthood. We don't exercise it by cutting the grass or turning out the lights, but by leading with the heart of a servant.
5. Life is imperfect and we have to live, be comfortable and productive with that imperfection."
Scott Peck said, "Life is difficult." It's difficult because sin permeates life. However imperfect and difficult life may be, it still has great potential for meaning, and this is the challenge. Viktor Frankl wrote a great book, Man's Search for Meaning. Out of that meaningful life flows usefulness, joy and fulfillment.
6. Reality therapy
Jim taught us to start now, where we are. That is reality therapy. Repeatedly we were reminded to live in the present. My phrase for that is, "current reality." So often I find people trying to live with what was or what should be or what could be, and not really living and making decisions founded on the current reality. Recently I was talking to a young man who was depressed because during the boom times he had a favorite "watering hole" that he flew to every weekend and played golf with the "high rollers." I asked him how many history books he had ever read that recounted the lives of young men in plush surroundings playing golf with rich phonies. It didn't reach him because he liked that life and couldn't deal with the current reality. What Jim said was: start now - where you are. Starting where you are reminds me of one of my favorite stories of my friend and great speaker and educator, Dr. Kenneth McFarland , who was superintendent of schools at Topeka, Kansas. In a one-room schoolhouse with a potbellied stove in the middle he was asked by his teacher, "Kenneth, how far do you want to go in life?" When he told her he wanted to go as far as he could, she pointed to the floor and said, "Kenneth, the ladder starts right here."
7. Avoid transference and rationalization.
Blaming other people for our problems is a national pastime and what we can't blame on other people we put off on the circumstances. Emotionally to be healthy, we have to accept our responsibility, both for our acts and for our attitude. This means owning our problems, saying "mea culpa," and meaning it. Only as we own our problems can we solve our problems. We can't solve the problem as long as somebody else owns it. It must become ours.
