Life has to be redemptive. We have to bring something to our culture that says there is sufficiency in our faith in Christ. We owe the world a redemptive quality.
I want to tell you a story about a young woman. She came up to me, a very tightly wound small woman, obviously hysterical. She asked, "How long are you going to be in town?" I said, "Three or four days. I'm tied up with my friends and I won't be able to see you, but I can talk to you on the phone." I've found many times you can talk to people on the phone better than you can in person. You can get a good conversation going and there's not that embarrassment of proximity. "Why don't you call me?" She did and we talked for about an hour. It's a simple story. She's an unattractive girl. She met a conquesting male. He started being helpful and it progressed. "Fred, we went too far." I thought about the verse "Happy is the man whose heart allows what he does," and thought about the parallel - unhappy is the person whose heart does not allow what he does. He's not a Christian and she is so she became very hurt. "I cry all the time," she said. Then came the type of question that always comes from guilt. "Will God keep me from getting a husband?" "Fred, can I ever be white again?" English is her second language and it created a beautiful word picture. I said, "Let me share with you the restoration process. It's always the same. It's the same for me and I've used it many times. It will be the same for you."
1) First, stop saying "I made mistake." It's very important to acknowledge to God that "I sinned." It wasn't a mistake; it was sin because it was against God. He is very much interested that we confess but He's not much interested that we explain.
2) The second step is to take ownership by saying "It is my problem. It is mine to solve." Scott Peck, in The Road Less Traveled made a very big thing of how few people will ever take responsibility. They are quick to shift blame --- that's the sin of transference.
I used to be director of the Kress stores. Whenever I traveled I would drop in one of our stores and I ask, "What are your problems?" If the manager identified them outside the store, I knew he wasn't realistic. If he identified them inside the store, we had a chance to correct them. If he took them on as his to solve we could make progress. In our own lives we must say, "This is my problem."
3) The third thing is you must be willing to give up the secondary benefits of sin. It's a strange thing and I don't fully understand it, but sin carries a subtle, hidden secondary benefit. As I talked to her about it I sensed she had told this same story to several people. I don't want to be accusative but I have a feeling that anybody as unattractive as she is found a certain secondary benefit in saying someone was interested in her. And so this was a secondary benefit. I've seen people who found that they were hurting other people by their sin. It was a secondary benefit. It's like the vengeful aspect of suicide — wanting to get even. I've found some people get attention because of their problem. They get sympathy. These secondary benefits have nothing to do with the sin itself. It's the secondary benefits we have to be willing to give up.
4) And fourth we have to stop now. We don't plan to stop, we simply stop. Some of my friends who drink will say, "I can stop any time I want to." They've already crossed the line. . .they can't stop. God won't forgive a sin in process. God will forgive us a sin that has been stopped but He will not forgive us a sin in process.
5) The fifth thing is to have the faith to hurt. When I told her this she said, "wait just a second while I get a pencil, I need to write that down." I said, "You've got a choice. One, you can hurt without hope. You can continue your sin and hurt without hope until you become hopeless. Or you can hurt with hope. Don't expect this thing to happen suddenly. People might tell you that you accept Christ, you pray, you immediately get great victory. Most of that's baloney. Give it two years. I know it's hard to think of hurting for two years but I think you've got at least two years of hurting. The first year will probably be intense and the second will diminish somewhat, but you will still hurt. You'll be tempted to flip-flop, to get back in to get out of the hurt, but you'll never make it if you flip-flop. You can't go in and out. You have to go through the period of hurting." It's empty optimism that our sins won't hurt us, that we can quit any time we want to, or that we can change any time we want to. That's empty optimism. We need the faith that says, I'm willing to submit to the process.
"Fred, will God forgive me?" I said, "Yes, God will forgive - that's the gospel, that's the good news." And it's so important that when God forgives you then to forgive yourself. Who are you to put yourself above God and damn yourself when He has forgiven you? You're putting yourself above God. Yes, He'll forgive you."
"I can be white again?" "Yes, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow. This is the Christian gospel."
