From childhood I have had the awe of God, but I've never been happy with my love of God. Once at Laity Lodge in the hill country of Texas, three of us friends were holding forth on our knowledge of comparative religions. The wife of one of the men, not known for her scholarship, was half-heartedly listening when she interrupted, "I don't understand a thing you all are talking about. All I know is that I love Jesus." At that moment, I would have swapped everything I knew for what I recognized as her deep love for the Lord.
Some friends and I are currently studying how we can deepen our love for the Lord. We know that obedience is evidence of that, but what produces the growth? I believe that if I genuinely appreciate what Christ has done for me, my love for him will increasingly grow. I realized a long time ago that the test of God's love is not in loving the saints, but in loving sinners…just as a mother's love is immortalized because it is love for her own at their unloveliest.
Someone has said that gratitude is the weakest of all emotions. We do not stay grateful because that makes us indebted, and we don't want to be indebted. The biblical phrase "sacrifice of thanksgiving" was a puzzle to me until I realized that gratitude is acknowledging that someone did something for me that I could not do for myself. Gratitude expresses our vulnerability, our dependence on others. Sometimes a person whom you have helped through a severe problem will draw away following a resolution. In some pernicious way, seeing those who supported us can remind us of the problem.
One of my psychiatrist friends taught me that often we develop a sense of hostile dependence. Rather than increase in gratitude we shrink away in anger and depression.
On the other hand, I have found people with deep gratitude often develop deep love. One of my fondest memories involves a young man who had never made more than $15,000 a year yet was extremely talented. Three others and I backed him financially. Within a year he was making $100,000 a year, and since then he has made millions. His gratitude has deepened into genuine love. He was deserted by his father when he was very young, causing him to suffer abject poverty. Today he refers to me as his father. I am proud to have him as a foster son and a great friend.
When my wife, Mary Alice, had a brain tumor removed at the Mayo Clinic, I got a call from him the night before surgery. When I asked where he was, he said he was down in the lobby. "What are you doing down there?" I asked. He said, "I want to sit with you and the family during the operation." He had flown in to spend that four-and-a-half hours with us.
Jesus said that those who are forgiven the most love the most. Do I really understand who I am and what I have been given? I often ask myself, "Do I appreciate Calvary like I should? Do I appreciate my gifts? Do I express my appreciation, and is it causing my love to grow?"
Once I was on a plane between Phoenix and Dallas with Billy Graham, whom I've known since he first started work in Youth for Christ. In a break in the conversation, I asked him, "Billy, you've never gotten over the surprise that God picked you, have you?" He replied, "Not only that, Fred, but that God has protected me." Billy not only appreciates the gift, he appreciates the protection to use his gift. I am sure his love for the Lord has grown with his blessings.
An oilman in Texas died and at his funeral a rugged man stood crying at the casket. As he approached he leaned over and kissed the dead man's forehead. I was intrigued by the scene and asked a close friend nearby for the story. The oilman had been active in a prison ministry and had shared the Gospel with this rough-looking man. Upon his release the former prisoner turned his life over to the Lord and began an effective preaching ministry in prison. His gratitude for the way to a new life welled up in waves of love and overflowed in his kiss. Our love should be a natural outgrowth of gratitude.
