Words are the windows to the mind. Socrates said, "Speak, young man, that I might know you." Productive listening is active and intense listening. It is hearing more than words. Most of the time we grasp just enough of what people are saying to maintain conversation. Using our discernment to lead requires much more.
First we listen for the meaning of words, both dictionary and colloquial. For example, young people today say "bad" when they mean "exceptionally good" (e.g, "He's a bad cat"). I am always surprised when people do not ask the meaning of words they don't know. I have never known a really intelligent person who will let you use a word he or she doesn't know without stopping to ask its meaning.
The proper use of words is to express, not impress. We listen to the selection of words, which can be intellectual or emotional. Opposing politicians speak of "exploiting" a situation rather than "utilizing" it. The choice of words shows the precision of the mind along with the desire to be clearly understood.
Pace is the speed with which a person speaks. Generally when a person is frightened they speak more quickly as if they wanted to hurry and get through. It is fun to watch highly intelligent when asked a question have the poise to pause. There is humility in the pause.
Peaks and valleys form the rhythm of speech. You will find that there is a marked difference in the rhythms of accountants and salesmen. Listen for the use of highs and lows as well as breaks in pace. Listen for delivery style. When you are tempted to go to sleep as someone talks it is because they have a sonorous rhythm.
The tone of the words is greatly indicative of the emotions. Rarely does anyone with a negative tone to their voice have a positive personality. Recently I was talking to a young man on the telephone and because of his non-rhythmic negative tone I asked if he were introverted — and of course he agreed. Young people seldom use a negative tone when they are talking about a positive situation.
It is helpful also to notice the manipulation of words (e.g., as it is done by the Washington spin doctors and the media). Spin is a prostitution of language. It has an immoral overtone. Psychiatrists listen for glitches in the use of words. One psychiatrist told me that when we have a glitch it is generally because two ideas collide, and he is interested in which idea was suppressed and which was expressed.
I have found it is important to listen to the tone of slang, vulgarity, or profanity. The tone tells me whether it's intentional or a habit, whether it's a tool or just an expression.
The use of words, idioms, cliches and accents often gives us a glimpse into someones background. The drummer Buddy Rich told me that he could hear a player's history when he heard how he played jazz. He knew whom he had been listening to, who he idolized, what general part of the country he came from, and whether he had a religious background.
People who have a public vocabulary that is different from their private one may let a private word slip into their public expression, and that opens a window into the person's thought process. It may also open a window into their basement. A good example is the public official who had to resign because he forgot that personal opinion might be poorly received as public statement.
Diplomatic language is basically used to fog meaning. A humorous illustration is the definition that I once heard of diplomacy: the art of saying, "nice doggie, nice doggie" until you find a brick. There is a useful purpose in fogging language for many relatives who find that they can't afford to say what they really think about each other!
Most people spend time practicing and honing their speaking skills when the greater insight often comes from listening more than speaking.
