The current emphasis on finishing well spurs everyone to think about the process. Just as in every other phase of life, successful aging takes discipline and a system. Here are some that I have found to be helpful.
Be a mentor:
I am deeply grateful for the mentors in my life. The best way I can express my appreciation is to be a mentor to others. I feel a real responsibility to be available to younger people who find help in my advice. At least five men from thirty-five to fifty years of age currently look on me as their mentor.
Young people need more than anything else someone they respect who believes in them. A woman said to me, "You were the first to ever believe in me." I was thrilled. She's capable and well-known now, but there was a time when people didn't believe in her.
When you reach back to the younger generation, it's not to criticize but to coach. I won't force my coaching on others because then they would be threatened, offended, or hurt. Coaches and students need a spirit of mutual respect.
I've refused more young people than I've accepted; many come to con me into helping them do what they want to do without any thought of accepting the changes I think they ought to make. Part of the wisdom of being older is to say to these ambitious young men and women, "You are not for me. You're trying to get, not give." One of the ways I can tell is when they try to impress me rather than listen to me. If I give them a thought and they try to give me two, I know they're not for me. I always look for those who express, not impress.
Let God evaluate your contributions:
Aging is like spending money: if you had $1000 and you're down to the last $50, there's a certain depressing realization that you may not have invested it but just spent it. Many people think they have wasted their lives. I received a letter from a well-known man who said, "I want to confess that for fifteen years I have been doubtful of my true contribution to life." If we think too much about this, as we grow older, we feel guilty about it. The greatest help to me in this area has been a growing belief in the sovereignty of God. God doesn't depend on me to save the world or even run it. When I was young, I acted as if God must be tired; that he wanted to take a vacation and was training me to take over. Then I realized God doesn't get tired; that he can work for good even in my mistakes. This led to a great release from the fear of missed opportunities. God evaluates our contributions in light of our opportunities. When people say, "If I had my life to live over again, I'd do it differently," they are assuming they'd be different people. But God knows we lived it as we were, and only God can say whether we were good or bad. The man who spent seventeen years in jail missed a lot of opportunities to do good, but he also missed a lot of opportunities to do bad. These things we have to leave with God.
Live in the unique:
Living with a certain relaxation is a great freedom of the Christian faith. We're too often tempted to substitute legalism for discipline. Discipline we're responsible for, but legalism we're not. When I sit down to do some planning I ask, "What are the unique things in this period of my life that I can do?" When one's children are small, for example, that's a unique period. Grandparents sometimes try to raise grandchildren like they should have raised their children. Their responsibility to their grandchildren is not the same as it was to their children. We must recognize what is unique to each of life's periods and then live it that way.
Maintain a sense of humo
Much of our humanness is comical. We all make so many mistakes that we have to learn to laugh first at ourselves. I went to a convention and was handed a lapel button. When I wore it home, my wife asked me what it said because she couldn't read it without her glasses. I said, "I won't tell you. Go and get your glasses." She did, and we had a big laugh about it when she read: "I go for older women."
A good sense of humor usually indicates a person has been able to turn the world over to God. As a business executive, I've always insisted that my subordinates delegate my job to me. I resent any of them trying to take over my job. I try to delegate their jobs to them, and I want them to return the favor. Our relationship to God is similar. We needn't get tense about the way God is running the world; we can trust him with it. God can handle it all, and the lubricating effect of good humor can help us accept it.
