"I wish that I could give something, but I just don't have the financial resources." Sounds earnest, but is often a cop-out. Giving is the involvement of one person in the life of another, whether financially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually or relationally. Mentoring can be one of the finest gifts that you can give to another. A fine example of this is my friend Ron. As I left lunch with him he said, "I'm forty, and I owe something to people in their twenties." This is the ministry of mentoring in which we share our experience, our knowledge, and our wisdom with those who ask. I have never asked someone to be their mentor. By having them choose you they understand the work that is involved.
Recently I was at a singles retreat. During a break a dear lady had told me her gift was counseling people and I asked her if she waited until they asked or if she volunteered. She said she did both but primarily did a great deal of volunteering, I asked her what would happen if she waited until they asked. She paused and answered, "But what if they don't ask?" That was the point. She is really not a counselor, she's a fixer. And she is definitely not a mentor.
On my last trip to Key Biscayne church I was told that one of the young men there had gotten into some trouble and the family had broken up. When I saw him I asked him how things were going and he said, "Fred, I didn't have a father and I haven't had an older man to guide me. I really need one." He does.
I remember one occasion when the young Asian who had the office next to mine surprised me by dropping in and saying, "For three years we've been passing in the hall going to and from the restroom." I wasn't sure where this conversation was going, but then he said, "I've been wondering if you're someone I should know." He had difficulty with English and told me he finished at the top of his engineering class but, again, had no one to mentor him. His approach indicated to me that he was serious about mentoring. To spend time with him would be a worthy gift.
Mentoring isn't cloning. David Frost was interviewing Isaac Stern and mentioned Stern's great teacher. "Yes, he was great indeed." When David asked what the teacher had taught him Stern answered, "He taught me how to teach myself." Then he followed up by saying, "My teacher had five outstanding pupils and none of them played like him. They all played like themselves. "Sometimes I unfortunately see fathers who try to clone their son by getting him to do everything good they have done plus do well everything they could not do, particularly in athletics. This is not the gift of mentoring, but the misplaced use of vicarious accomplishment. The mentor celebrates the mentoree's victories — on their own terms, not the mentor's.
I was impressed when Peter Lynch, the father of the Fidelity Magellan fund, came back to mentor, but not to take over the administration leadership. One of the people he helped said, "He has a unique ability to give perspective." He had demonstrated ability and credibility now he was coupling that with accessibility for the new generation.
When we think of our giving we must consider the gift of mentoring. What is your unique giftedness? What could you be passing on to a younger person for their development? Who has sought you out as a resource? Mentoring can be a gift that enriches both the giver and the receiver.
