Ask Fred > Family > How do I confront my mother-in-law with truth while being respectful?
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Dear Fred
The Bible talks about leaving our father and mother in order to be united in marriage. It also speaks strongly about respecting our parents. How do we balance being respectful to an in-law who won't respect the boundaries of our new family? Her disrespect towards me is open and I can handle that, but it bothers me most when she consistently undermines my authority within my family, especially in front of my young son. I try to be as cordial and respectful as I can, after-all she raised an amazing daughter. How do I tell her she is crossing the line while being respectful?
Fred's Response
I find difficult questions are often handled in a very direct way. I would first talk to my wife and tell her what I am feeling and that I intend, with courtesy, to confront her mother with the problems she is creating. I would start by asking her if she understood the problem and enumerate them to her. If she is a Christian I would let her know that she is not fulfilling her responsibility by continuing to hold authority over her daughter. Think out what you are going to do and then have the courage to do it. This includes examining yourself to see if she has legitimate reason to believe that you are not fulfilling your responsibility as a husband and father. You can also ask your wife to point out to her mother the problems. It is possible that she is acting out of emotion without really thinking about it. Possibly, when she understands the problem she will be willing to correct it. If she is adamant then you may have to go so far as to moving a good ways away from her. If she thinks you will do this it might motivate her to be less troublesome. I suggest that you not threaten anything that you are not prepared to carry through with. A great deal would depend on how strongly she realizes you and your wife’s agreement.
