Ask Fred > Family > What does a healthy marriage look like?
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Dear Fred
Fred, I'm 44 years old and been married 15 years. I realized recently that I have never formulated in my mind what a healthy married couples arguments might look like. What are the characteristics of a healthy argument?
Fred's Response
A good fight doesn't leave scars. I suggest that before you fight, you question whether or not your bond of love is strong enough and flexible enough to survive these emotional blow-offs which in the right spirit can be helpful. Often it is healthier to let off this steam before it gets internalized into bitterness. Usually a good fight, after releasing the emotional steam, creates an exceptionally loving period. Always check your motivation ---why are you wanting this fight and what do you want the outcome to be? We should always be moving toward oneness and the healthy development of the other partner. And always remember, even when you don't feel "in love", you can always be civil. There is no excuse for rudeness and cruelty.
