Daily Fenelon > Reservations
Reservations
I am not surprised that you are disgusted by all that displeases God in your life. This feeling is the natural outcome of your changed heart. You would like a quiet life that lets you attend to your new interests while avoiding the old. This is not the will of God. He wants to let what used to interest you become tiresome, so let this happen as a sort of payment for your past offenses. God will take you out of your old situation when He sees fit He will do it in His own time.
Meanwhile, come before God regularly. Remember that you carry the gift of God in an earthen pot! Strengthen your inner life through reading, praying, and distrusting your old way of life.
Although you have lived far from Him, you need not be afraid to come to Him like a child. Tell Him how weak and miserable you are, tell Him what you need and what bothers you. You may even tell Him that sometimes you are not exactly thrilled to serve Him. You cannot speak too freely or too truthfully to Him. He likes simple people and talks with them often. Put away all your grand ideas and just be honest with Him. Listen to what He tells you with an open heart. Turn a deaf ear to the world and to your unruly passions.
You will find some help in the books you have read. What you have read is true and will help you lay a good foundation for your faith. Just do not put too much trust in books, and learn to put them aside as God directs. Your mind is a good thing, but learn to distrust it and you will make better use of it. Become childlike. Do even the easiest thing with your heart turned toward God.
Learn to be a good friend. Be willing to help. And by all means maintain a balance in everything you do. There is a certain natural balance that should mark your life as a Christian. Harshness, worry, and severity should not be your trademarks. Rather, learn to live by love. Your Lord within you will direct your actions with ease and simplicity. He will also warn you of approaching danger.
Of course you will suffer problems, illness, and disappointment as other people do, but your attitude toward and reason for bearing these difficulties will be very different from those who do not know God. You can see God in all things, but never so clearly as when you suffer.
Live as you have been and make changes only to avoid what is wrong. Hold true to what is right so that no one will drag you back into sin. You will have an easier time of it when people know that you cannot be swayed from your commitment to God. If you leave yourself open to go astray, you probably will.
Don trust your own strength, but trust in your Lord who loved you from eternity, before you loved Him.
