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What matters equally touch my head/heart?

Death. When my daughter's 6 month old son died after spending his entire short life in an neo-natal intensive care unit with her watching over him day and night it ripped a hole in my heart and tortured my brain at the same time. Why did you allow this to happen, I screamed to God. But He was silent! Job said. "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord". I lack Job's faith.